In this veritable episode, Keren Eldad, Founder of With Enthusiasm Coaching, shares insights on escaping the gilded cage of external success through inner purpose. If you feel dissatisfied in your job or disillusioned despite business growth, you won’t want to miss it.
You will discover:
– What shifting to service mindset achieves true fulfillment and adaptability
– Why external achievements won’t resolve inner dissatisfaction in stage 1
– How to uncover authentic purpose via preference and passion questions for stage 4
Episode Transcript
Scott Ritzheimer
Hello, hello and welcome. Welcome once again to the start, scale and succeed. Podcast, the only podcast that grows with you through all seven stages of your journey as a founder. Now this episode is going to be an interesting one, because we’re going to talk about a problem that happens in stage one, but tends to lay just under the surface unresolved until deep into your journey. And could possibly, if we’re not careful, unravel everything you’ve built by stage four. And here’s why, the seeds of the disillusionment that those of you who’ve been listening to the podcast for a while know exactly what I’m talking about, but those seeds of disillusionment that we face all the way in Stage Four are actually planted in a wrong understanding and a wrong solution to the dissatisfaction that we felt all the way back before we started our business in stage one. We think that solving our outer problem, you know, like starting your own organization, being your own boss, doing things your own way. We think that will solve our inner problem, and it won’t. So this episode is going to be really helpful for anyone who’s in stage one, you’re frustrated with your job or your life, you’re thinking about dreaming about starting your own business or nonprofit. It’s also going to be helpful for folks that are after stage one, folks who’ve who’ve missed doing maybe some of the real work way back then in stage one, and that’s a lot to cover. So to help us straighten everything out, is my highly esteemed guest, Keren Eldad, who is a thought leader in the coaching world. She specializes in helping high achievers escape the futility of constant pursuit. Does that not sound familiar? Her coaching clients include Olympic athletes, politicians, Hollywood stars, supermodels, Special Forces operatives and serial entrepreneurs, as well as renowned global organizations such as Estee Lauder, JP Morgan and Nike she received, she is recognized, I’m sorry, as a top 10 executive coach by the international coaching Federation. And Karen maintains a gold standard coaching credential in addition to her advanced economic degrees, sorry, academic degrees. She’s so special that I can’t even read her bio. This is the territory we’re going into here, folks, but from the London School of Economics and, of course, the University of Jerusalem, she’s here with us today. Karen, welcome to the show. I’m wondering if you could help us set the stage a little bit to tell us this book that you’ve got out gilded, what’s the problem that really drove you to write the book that you’re hoping that it will help us solve.
Keren Eldad
So the problem that I’m solving, thank you so much for that introduction. And by the way, one of my degrees is in economics, so you weren’t that far off. The problem I’m trying to solve is the problem that I have and consistently solved for myself, and that is the problem of the building of success as a gilded cage that we end up trapped inside of, and as a result of essentially trying to apply external achievement to resolve inner problems, and I want to resolve the inner problems rather than the outer problems. So you stated it absolutely perfectly. And the gilded cage analogy, there’s a big gilded cage on the cover of my book, gilded is serving to help anyone at stage 123, or four to understand that as long as you don’t break free from your inner shackles, you will essentially just be building yourself a more glamorous cage. Now, how many founders out there of all types, from solopreneurs to entrepreneurs, all of us, by the way, starting a business for one reason, which is more freedom, have ended up finding ourselves in an endless hustle and a much harder job than we ever had before. This is not the intention, and this should not be our desired outcome. Gilded starts to break you free from that, and it does so the right way, the right way is not teaching you how to 10x your productivity. I’m sorry to say this, although I am a very big fan of many business coaching philosophies, it is to understand that the way you’re thinking is really working against you, and unless you resolve the way you’re thinking, you’re going to end up in a rabbit hole that will never satisfy you.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah. And in your book, you lay out, I mean, just a masterclass of an approach to dealing with this. And to be honest, as I was researching for the episode, it’s one of the hardest ones to prepare for, because there was so much to cover. There were so many different directions that we could go. But what really stood out to me, ultimately, was chapter seven. And so I want to dive into that with you, because I think that you know it really aligns with a lot of the challenges I see my clients facing. And so chapter seven, finding your purpose. So my question for you is is, actually, when can we find our purpose? Is this something that’s available to us before we start our business? Is when we’re one year old, like when in the process, do you see folks really start to chip away at their purpose? And is it something that changes over time?
Keren Eldad
Someone was surrounded by very small children? No, I don’t think this is available to you at the one year of age, because you’re still in exploratory phase. You’re still trying things in life, but in adulthood, purpose is available to you at any given time, as long as you start to understand that the real question here is about authenticity. The chapter you name, chapter seven, about finding your purpose, is the longest in the book. It’s also my favorite, so I really appreciate that you call it out, and when you start to really look for your authenticity, your true preferences, you start to really come up with ideas that are antithetical to what society has taught you to focus on. And that’s the beginning of the unshackling from the gilded cage most of us, well meaning human beings in all societies, I have clients from Sydney to Jeddah have been told by society and by school systems, varied by the way that there are a couple of good ways to live life, there are a couple of good ways to earn a successful living, and that that is your main focus. But then in so doing, you really do neglect the true self, in your true nature, and what you truly prefer we end up doing what we should be doing, or we think we should be doing, or what will produce the best title and the best amount of money, not what we truly prefer. And my argument is, and by the way, I’ve been doing this for a long time, I can also guarantee I’m correct about this is that you find your purpose and you double down on it, you will be 10 times more successful than you would ever be at a should when clients answer the questions that I propose in the finding your purpose chapter, honestly, they honestly find simple answers that are true. For example, here are a couple of my answers, Scott, I prefer not to do anything in the morning. The reason I caught that wonderful email that you sent me earlier today is because I don’t do anything before 10am I don’t like to work in the morning. I don’t like to do much other than read, as a matter of fact. So I used to think I’m a giant. I know I look like an extrovert, but I’m a giant ambivert who enjoys being in bed and reading for four hours a day. Why am I working like this? I never asked myself whether there was a path that would truly honor my nature. When we start to really ask about what our authentic nature is, what we’re obsessed with, where our inimitable talent is, we come up with very different questions, and These, in turn, will direct you towards a life of purpose, which is a life of fulfillment. Yeah, and what if you don’t do that before stage one in a business, I can guarantee your days are numbered. You may go high, but without a Y, you’re not going very far.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, it’s so true. It’s so true. So to help kind of unpack this, because, you know, we can hear that, it can resonate, and then we can be like, well, now what do I do? So you take it quite a number of steps further, actually. And one of the things that I loved in the book were these five questions. I think he called them inner journey questions, and I want to walk through as many as we can. It’s relatively short format podcast, so we may not get through all of them. We’ll show folks how they can find the rest. It’s all in the book, and we’ll make sure we point them to it. But let’s start with question number one here, and the question that you lay out in the book is, what have I always preferred, which is super interesting, because, like, I’ve heard folks kind of chip away at this, but no one’s ever gone straight at it. So first off, what does that mean? And why is it first in the process?
Keren Eldad
It’s a really important thing, because it reminds you that you are a human before societal conditioning, and that what you’ve always preferred is not actually what you do for a living. So when somebody answers, and invariably, this does come up, I love project management, I giggle, because technically, eight year old, you did not really love project management. When they start to answer what their true passions are, they can then reach for perhaps subject, music, interiors, sports, and then you start to really ask yourself, what the deeper passion is behind that? The deeper passions are usually creating beauty, connecting with people emotionally, the majesty of touching the sky. People who love sports truly love the endeavor, right? The camaraderie. What is behind the preference is what gives it power, and what gives it power is your purpose. So for example, what do I always prefer? Never? I never answer that question as I prefer teaching or coaching. It’s I really love connecting with people deeply, and I really love learning. That’s it.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah, you touched on something that was popping up for me on a later question. So I’m actually going to skip ahead. We’re gonna go out of order for a second, but because it ties directly into what you just talked about here. And I believe it was, was it under the passions? Yes. So. So your question, I believe it’s number three. I’m all out of order, but it’s one of the questions, and that is, like, what are you passionate about? And particularly at earlier stages of life? You talked about being eight. I think it’s kind of the same thing at 28 but a lot of times I’ll hear the answers of art and music or food and family or community things like that. But when you look at the occupations that, not only we end up in, right? Because there’s an obvious disconnect there, but many of the occupations that are vital to a thriving economy, not economy humanity, there’s a big difference between those two, right? Very few people wake up and say, I want to look at actuarial tables, but, but there’s a deep value in somebody doing that. So there’s this, there’s this big potential for disconnect there. How do we bridge that gap? Or, or should we?
Keren Eldad
Well, there’s no reason for somebody not to be obsessed with actuarial tables. There are many people who are, in fact, absolutely obsessed with such things, and I’m delighted for them. I’m happy to hear it. The real point here the deepening of the understanding of preference and bringing it to the realm of passion is to then synthesize and sift and sort to the real nitty gritty. So many of the things that we enjoy and we love, we just enjoy and love, we are probably excellent at them, but there are only one or two in which we are absolutely inimitable. They are true. True obsessions, a passion, is something very different from a preference. So for example, when I was gaging my life for the questions of purpose, I really love exercise. I really love cats. I truly enjoy organization and I read more than anyone I know. And when I started to look at all of those reading, boom, what is it? What do you read? What kind of books do you read? Why are there 400 personal development self help books in your room? What are you watching? What are you consuming? What is at obsession level? When you write reach obsession level, then you start going from preference to inimitable talent. Inimitable talent is indicative of what gay Hendrix in a great book called The Big Leap calls the zone of genius. The zone of genius is that which we really want to circle here. And that’s truly again, if you want to bring it back to solopreneurship and entrepreneurship, that’s the one that I would put all my money on. That’s why you should really do this exercise.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah. It’s so true. And I’m actually going to skip ahead to question number five to keep this, this vein going. And again, folks can go back to the questions two and four, because they’re they’re great, but question number five is something that really taps into the entrepreneurial heart. So as I understand it, the root word for entrepreneur is someone who goes between right. And one of the things that I love about working in this space is that entrepreneurs, founders in the business world or in the nonprofit world, have this like internal I’m going to go and in that space in between. And to do that, there are some personal benefits from it, absolutely, but there’s this, there’s this posture of service that’s necessary to do that well and and so question number five in your book, chapter seven of your book, is, How may I serve? And the question that I have for you is, does this mean that everyone has has a purpose to serve in some way? Is that a good way of interpreting it? Or how do we, how do we really walk this out?
Keren Eldad
Our base, our base purpose, absolutely all of us, is to find our unique way of serving. And mine is uplifting. Some other people is going to be maximizing other people. Is going to be connecting, in other words, connecting people, connecting entities. We will all have our way, but we will ultimately be serving service. Now this brings me to something that’s really fundamental that I think everybody should understand. The half of the book is concerned with, first and foremost, changing the way that you think, changing the way that you think from transactional, in other words, an exchange. How do I make as much money as quickly as possible? How to become as successful as possible? How do I look externally as polished as quickly as possible? In order to compete or measure up, we completely dissolve and obliterate that so that you may truly live authentically as you are, and by the way, gain happiness, which is far more valuable to you than any few shekels you ever make. The most important transition then is to start to understand that the biggest way to win really, really big is to serve, if you think about it, any company that’s truly resilient, and I’ve read all of Jim Collins’s books to back this up, is a is a company that can pivot always in the with the perspective of, how can I be useful now? How can I what do people really need? What do people need from me, rather than what can I get from them? What is the most sellable product that we can have right now? What is the market doing? What’s trendy when we think that way? Okay, we truly focus ourselves in a place of contribution, not sacrifice contribution. And this is the natural expression of authenticity, of truth, and it is the natural expression of love. So if you’re an artist or a parent or a founder of any kind, all your fulfillment will come from giving what is uniquely yours to give. And that’s where all of this sort of comes together.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah. I love that. We could do a whole episode on not sacrifice, but contribution. There’s a there’s a deep vein there, but I want to, there’s a question that I have that ask all my guests. I want to make some time for this, because I’m very interested to see what you’d have to say. So the question is this, what is the biggest secret that you wish wasn’t a secret at all? What’s that one thing you wish everybody watching or listening today knew?
Keren Eldad
I love this question. I’ve loved many of your guest answers. I agree with many of your guest answers, like Liz, you don’t have to do this alone. That is correct. But I’d like to first tell you a little story. My trajectory has not been Karen becomes enlightened, and then becomes good forever and only service oriented. And magic happens. The ego dies real hard, and our success convinces us that we must move back into hustle in order to beget more success. And I’ve become very successful in big spurts over the course of the last decade in which I’ve been coaching, and every single time I’ve been brought down to earth by one thing, which is you have to reconnect to service. And if it’s not about service and authentically, what you want to do, this will not go well, forget. It won’t go far. It might go far. It will not go well. You will not like it. You will start to literally reject that which you do. You won’t like it anymore. It won’t be right for you anymore. And so the big secret that I wish everybody understood was that service and telling the truth are the only superpowers that matter for any founder. Success is not about being driven, it’s not about being strategic. It’s not about accumulating more. It’s about in a world that’s changing at a pace that I can’t even comprehend. It’s about having the ability to adapt without ego, and the only way to do that is to serve people, which is going to make you naturally flexible, naturally adaptable, naturally attuned, and that will really determine your level, not only, I think, of success, Scott, but sanity.
Scott Ritzheimer
Yeah, yeah, that it’s, it’s so true, and there’s so many places that this shows up for founders, for leaders across the board. It’s a deeply important work. I absolutely love both your approach and the way that you you implement it. Karen, there are folks who want to know more. First off, let us know, how can we get a copy of the book and and then also, where can they find more out about you and the work that you do?
Keren Eldad
Thank you so much. Gilded is available everywhere books are sold, and primarily, of course, it’s being sold through Amazon, so just go ahead and find that I am on kereneldad.com and my name is spelled with two E’s. And I think the best way to talk to me is always on at Coach Karen on Instagram, because, like you, I spend an inordinate amount with the cat videos on Instagram, so that’s where they can find me, and I hope they do. Thank you so much for the important conversation, Scott.
Scott Ritzheimer
That’s fantastic. Well, thanks for being here. Really was a privilege and honor, having you on the show and exploring what I think is a really important, very meaningful topic. And for those of you watching and listening, you know that your time and attention mean the world to us. I hope you got as much out of this conversation as I know I did, and I cannot wait to see you next time. Take care.
Contact Keren Eldad
A thought leader in the coaching world, Keren Eldad specializes in helping high achievers escape the futility of constant pursuit. Her coaching clients include Olympic athletes, politicians, Hollywood stars, supermodels, Special Forces operatives, and serial entrepreneurs, as well as renowned global organizations such as Estée Lauder, J.P. Morgan, and Nike. She is recognized as a Top Ten Executive Coach by the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Keren maintains gold-standard coaching credentials in addition to her advanced academic degrees from The London School of Economics and the University of Jerusalem.
Want to learn more about Keren Eldad’s work at With Enthusiasm Coaching? Check out her website at https://kereneldad.com/, connect with her on Instagram @coachkeren and get a copy of her book Gilded: Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Relentless Pursuit of More at https://www.amazon.com/Gilded-Breaking-Ambition-Perfectionism-Relentless/dp/1684817579